- Talk at different times with children. If you think you only have to talk with a child about this topic one time, compare this number to the thousands, if not millions, of sexual images children are exposed to by the time they are eighteen years old. One discussion after a presentation at school is not enough. Instead, consider having talks about human sexuality with a child throughout your child’s life.
- Use a variety of settings for talks. For example, talks can occur while taking the dog for a walk together or as you are waiting for a movie to start. Many parents and guardians also suggest having talks during car rides.
- Recognize the differences between children. Some children approach their parents and guardians with questions while others require their trusted adults to approach them. Some children seem ready to learn information at a younger age while their siblings seem unaware of certain topics or situations. Overall, every child is different and adults need to find the best approach for each child.
- Have fun during puberty talks. By having positive conversations with an occasional giggle, healthy body chemicals are released that help to de-stress people. And sometimes a child will be put at ease by hearing about a parent’s/guardian’s or other trusted adult’s funny puberty experience and how they coped. Just make sure you are not laughing at the child or the experienced changes. To create a fun, interactive conversation, use the “Puberty Chit Chat Cards” found in the back of Lori’s book and the TALK Puberty app!
- Use proper body terminology for reproductive system parts. Using appropriate medical terms teaches children positive communication skills while supporting comfort with their bodies. Some people tease and say certain terms, yet using slang terms supports the idea there is something wrong with these body parts.
- Be aware that children may ask personal questions. If a child asks you a personal question, you may choose to provide an answer, yet you can also explain that certain information may be personal. Doing this demonstrates the value of privacy in which certain personal information is sometimes not shared with others.
- Think ahead about how you will answer certain personal questions. Sharing certain personal experiences, like the first time you started noticing new body hair growth when you were younger, may allow a child to feel more at ease to talk with you. For example, when I tell children about my first experience of shaving my armpits with my father’s shaving cream (I smelled like men’s cologne all day in school), they are usually put at ease knowing I understand what they are going through. Yet you may need time to figure out what to say when suddenly asked a personal question. If this occurs, tell the child you need time to think about answers to certain questions. Some might disagree with this, yet I would rather have a role model tell a child, “I need to think about your question before I answer you,” because this models positive decision-making skills. If you choose to answer personal questions, explain your expectations to the child of keeping information private.
- Be open-minded and cautious of the “Well, when I was a kid, I never thought about sex” or “I would never have done that,” etc. Saying comments like these may stop further communication with children. Yet you can state, “I would hope you make the best decisions for yourself,” and “I feel you are not ready yet.” Then explain your values to your children.
- Do not criticize children about what they ask or betray their confidence in you. I know too many children who did not continue conversations with adults because a person repeated to others what their child asked to others (embarrassing the child).
- Use reliable resources. There are a variety of reliable books and websites available for children and adults, some of which are listed in the “Resources” section of this website . Many include age-appropriate pictures that can be utilizedduring puberty conversations. For example, a basic body outline can be printed from a resource for a child to draw pubertal changes he/she expects to occur. Allowing a child to do this is a non-threatening way for the child to share what he/she is already aware of and allows you to add additional body changes. Another example of using resources is to find age-appropriate diagrams of the male and female reproductive systems to allow a child to visualize body parts and their functions.
- Check out the TALK Puberty app, a tool to help families talk about puberty and adolescence. And you can also choose to listen to the Puberty Prof Podcast as a family to further help your conversations (coming soon)!
*Excerpt from Common Questions Children Ask About Puberty: Insights from a nationally recognized health education expert (2018).